It has been a very long time since I last posted. And truthfully, it’s been a very long and difficult summer. On August 29th, I lost someone very close to me. A man who I shared 27 years of my life with, had 5 children with, and really never truly appreciated how much he meant to me until now. He passed away after a long battle with many diseases and ultimately lung cancer.
We had a very long time to prepare for his death. We all had ample time to mend fences, remind each other of how much we loved and cherished our time together. And time to say goodbyes. As prepared as we all felt for the end, we surely were not. On that day I felt a surge of emotions – guilt, anger, sadness and yes, even relief.
A majority of the last 8 months had been spent making sure doctors appointments were scheduled and made, endless trips to Atlanta for treatment, cooking meals he wouldn’t eat, bathing him, dressing him, giving him medications and rarely taking a moment myself to breathe. I had become so caught up in the day-to-day activities of being a caregiver, that when the end finally came, I found myself wondering — what now? And here I sit, a month later, still wondering what now? How do I even begin to start over at this point in my life and do I really want to?
